On Edge? Snapping at Loved Ones then Feeling Guilty? 3 Ways to Change That.
Do you ever find yourself snapping at your kids, pets, or partner, only to feel guilt afterward?
You promise yourself it won’t happen again…but the next time you feel that familiar rush of annoyance 🤬 and tension 😤…there it is - that sharp tone, the impatient response, the hurtful look…🤯
…and someone you genuinely love is on the receiving end. 🥺
It’s a cycle that leaves you feeling embarrassed, frustrated, and wondering why it's so hard to stop doing something you don’t like…
…and more forcefully telling yourself “I can’t keep doing this!” each time is NOT making it stop.
Here’s what I’m covering…(you can click on any link to jump to that section.)
Let’s start by talking about how you got here (you’re not alone)
And then…
First, become super curious about what’s happening in your mind.
Second, learn how to ask and listen to your body and emotions
Third, reconnect with your breath on a moment-by-moment basis.
One more tiny but mighty step: recognize every win.
This sounds like a lot of work...is this really for me?
Relief is totally possible - let's take the next step together
Let’s start by talking about how you got here (you’re not alone)
Here’s the thing: I know you’re not a jerk. (And I bet your people also know you’re not a jerk.❤️)
⛔ You don’t want to hurt your people or make them feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you.
✅ You want your kid or spouse to be able to approach you.
✅ You want to feel unbothered by the slow driver on the road.
✅ You want to let the dogs bark and cats meow.
You know interruptions, loud noises, slow people are just part of life - yet you find yourself so freakin’ frustrated by them.
The culture we live in does not value slowing down. 🏎️
The culture we live in places a lot of expectation on us and feeds us incessant ideas about what it *should* look and feel like to be you.
We are almost always taking in sensory information - even the images and videos we look at on our screens 📲 give us sensory experiences in our body and nervous system.
The amount of information and sensory experiences we take in add our responsibilities coupled with the stories we carry result in our likelihood of feeling on edge and snapping. ⬅️⬅️⬅️
Let’s imagine this: You feel calm and in control.
You can respond instead of react. You’re present with your kids, your partner, or even your pets. You can breathe deeply, laugh easily, and feel at ease in your own body.
Sound like a corny IG reel? It’s not.
You can move past the cycle of snapping and guilt.
We’ll explore three powerful approaches I use with clients to break cycles.
These are used in The Reconnection Pathway framework with my 1:1 clients to create new pathways for your thoughts, emotions, and body to move with greater easer, curiosity and compassion.
First, become super curious about what is happening in your mind.
It is essential you become extremely curious about what's happening between your ears.
When you’re caught in the cycle of snapping and guilt, your mind can feel like the enemy - and in the case of feeling on edge and snapping it likely is one of the enemies.
What's happening inside your mind can feel overwhelming, harsh, or stuck on repeat.
It’s not uncommon to have many different voices in your mind talking at once. 🗣️🗣️🗣️
These voices can range in what they are saying, how they are saying it, and how loud they are saying it.
We pick up voices from the people we’ve spent time with and voices from the media we consume. Some days these voices chatter about undetected and others they are loud AF taking up all the space.
The first step is shifting your relationship with your mind.
Thoughts aren’t just random; they’re often deeply tied to stories, beliefs, or fears you’ve carried for years. Without realizing it, you may be operating from scripts like:
“If I don’t have it all figured out then it will all fall apart.”
“I can’t let people see me struggle because they’ll use it against me later.”
“I should be able to handle this better. This really shouldn’t bother me so much.”
The sort of voices can run on autopilot almost undetected, subtly charging everything we do. 🔌
This undetected chatter does not allow us to feel it’s ok to relax, or to ask for help, and can push us to prioritize others over ourselves, often taking on a lot of responsibility and expectation. 🧳
But with a little curiosity, you can start to compassionately observe the tone, volume, messaging, and most importantly, the authority you’ve given the voices.
Cultivating curiosity begins now…
…Or when you’re in the shower and have a moment to pause
…Or when you’re driving a familiar route alone
…Or even in the moment when you’re feeling the frustration rise.
No fixing, suppressing or admonishing.
Become curious about what’s happening inside your mind.
Draw your attention back to you. 🔙
At this moment, you’re a super spy 🕵️ ready to check out what’s happening inside your mind your gathering information for your spy file…
...tell me: what’s going on? what do you notice about your mind? what thoughts do you hear? how do the thoughts relate with each other?
Maybe it helps to write it out, type it out, or talk it out on a voice note.
(You can also explore loving self touch - placing your left hand on your heart is a good place to start.)
Curiosity interrupts the cycle of reactivity by shifting you from reacting to observing. 🕵️
When you step into the role of observer, you’re no longer swept away by the emotion or thought—you’re examining it with gentle detachment. 🕵️
In my Healing Sessions with clients I help guide you to develop a gentler, more observational voice—a voice instead of one jumping to judgment.
This helps create space between you and your thoughts allowing you to be more present and less reactionary. 🌅
Join Anchored in Awe—my email series for deep thinkers and sensitive souls. You’ll receive honest reflections, practical tools, and gentle support for your healing journey. Sign up here.
Second, learn how to ask and listen to your body and emotions.
As we’ve been discussing, we live in a culture that tends to prioritize logic over feelings and the mind over the body.
As a result, many of us grow up learning to ignore or suppress what our bodies and emotions are trying to tell us.
But your body and emotions are powerful sources of wisdom.
When you learn to ask questions and listen, they can guide you toward deeper understanding, calm, and clarity.
When you’re feeling on edge, frustrated, or reactive, your body and emotions are often sounding an alarm 🚨 to let you know something important is happening.
Instead of brushing them aside as annoying or inconvenient, what if you paused and asked, “What do you want me to know right now?”
By turning inward and asking questions, you create a pathway to hear and honor the wisdom your body and emotions are offering.
Instead of fighting 🥊 against your reactions, you can start to understand them and respond more effectively.
Don’t force an answer—simply notice what comes up.
Sometimes it’s a word, an image, or even a memory.
Other times, it’s a sense of clarity about what you need.
Once you’ve received an answer, take a moment to thank it (even if you don't understand it yet.) 🙏
Maybe your body is telling you it’s time to rest, or your frustration is signaling that a boundary has been crossed.
Or maybe you don’t know just yet but even just that step turning inward, asking and listening is HEALING.
One of my clients, Lena, felt overwhelmed and reactive every time her kids came home from school. After snapping at them, she’d feel terrible but didn’t know how to stop.
Through our work together using The Reconnection Pathway, Lena learned to pause and ask her emotions and body what they wanted her to know.
During one session, we role-played this process using a recent incident.
She closed her eyes, tuned into the tightness in her chest, and asked, “What do you want me to know right now?”
The answer surprised her: “My mom worked late - she wasn’t there when I got home.”
She realized she hadn’t acknowledged a part of her that was hurt.
Once she was able to trace where her on edge feeling she was coming from she was able to gain perspective and slow down.
The result? A calmer, more present mom—and happier kids.❤️
Asking your body and emotions what they want you to know builds SELF-AWARENESS awareness, so you can start to notice patterns and triggers that contribute to your reactivity.
It helps combat self criticism and judgment because instead of beating yourself up for feeling a certain way, you see your emotions as messengers trying to HELP you.
And you’ll feel EMPOWERED to take action because by understanding your body’s needs you’re able to make choices that support your well-being and reduce stress.
Found this helpful? 📌 Pin it to your ‘Healing’ board and come back whenever you need.
Third, reconnect with your breath on a moment-by-moment basis.
When you’re on edge, your breath is one of the quickest and most effective ways to reset. Your breath is always available to bring you back to the present moment.
When you’re about to snap, it can seem impossible to slow down. 🌋
Your heart races, your chest feels tight, and everything around you feels like too much. 😤
In these moments, your breath is one of the most powerful tools you have to regain control. 🌬️
The breath is a natural regulator for your nervous system. It anchors you to the present moment, softens the intensity of your reactions, and creates space for clarity and calm.
By learning how to reconnect with your breath intentionally, you can turn moments of stress into opportunities to reset.
When you’re stressed or reactive, your body shifts into fight-or-flight mode, and your breathing becomes shallow and fast.
This signals your brain that you’re in danger, which amplifies feelings of tension and urgency.
Intentional breathing, however, tells your body the opposite: *I’m safe. It’s okay.*
By slowing your breath 🌬️ and extending your exhale, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system—the part of your body responsible for rest and relaxation.
This physiological shift helps you feel calmer and more in control, even in the face of stress.
Take a moment to notice how you’re breathing 🌬️.
Is it shallow?
Rapid?
Are you holding your breath without realizing it?
Simply becoming aware of your breath can help you take the first step toward reconnecting with it.
In moments when emotions feel overwhelming, focus on a long, slow exhale.
Imagine releasing frustration, tension, or negative thoughts as you breathe out. 🍃
You don’t need special tools or a big block of time—breath is always available to you.
And simply being aware of and connected with your breath is enough to anchor you in moments of stress. ⬅️
You can slow down, regulate your emotions, and show up as the calm, grounded version of yourself you want to be.
One more tiny but mighty step: recognize every win.
As you begin to practice these strategies, it’s important to notice and celebrate the small moments when you choose differently.
Every time you pause to take a breath, even if it’s in the middle of snapping, or every time you get curious about your thoughts, even while still feeling on edge, you’re creating change. 🥳
These moments may feel small, but they’re MIGHTY. They show that you’re building awareness and creating new patterns, even if the shift feels subtle right now.
Progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, trying again, and acknowledging your efforts along the way. 🥳
Each small step is proof that you’re moving toward the calm, connected presence you desire. ❤️
This sounds like a lot of work...is this really for me?
It’s common to feel so tangled up in your own patterns and wonder if change is even possible.
Here’s the truth: yes, untangling these cycles takes effort, but it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.
When you have personalized support, like the kind I provide in my Healing Sessions, you’ll be amazed at how quickly things can shift.
Sustainable change happens when you have someone to guide you and help you create small, manageable steps forward. 🌅
Conclusion
Breaking free from the cycle of snapping and guilt starts with small, intentional steps toward understanding and caring for yourself.
(1) By becoming curious about your thoughts, you create space to observe rather than react.
(2) By asking your body and emotions what they want you to know, you transform frustration and tension into opportunities for insight and healing.
(3) And by reconnecting with your breath, you tap into a simple yet powerful tool to calm your mind and regulate your nervous system.
These strategies work together to help you feel more in control, connected, and at peace with yourself and your loved ones.
Remember, lasting change doesn’t have to feel overwhelming—you can take it one step at a time.
With the right tools and support, you’ll find relief and create a calmer, more fulfilling way of being.
Relief is totally possible - let's take the next step together
When you break free from the cycle of snapping, guilt, and frustration, everything changes.
You’ll feel more connected to your loved ones, experience less tension in your body and mind, and find yourself breathing deeper and easier.
If you’re ready to explore what’s next, I invite you to work with me 1:1 in my Healing Sessions.
Together, we’ll create a personalized plan to help you reconnect with yourself and the people (and pets!) you love most.
Let’s create space for calm, connection, and the life you truly deserve.
