Why Healing Doesn’t Mean Fixing Yourself (and What Actually Works)
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I need to fix myself”? 💔😢
It’s a thought that can feel so natural, especially when stress, overwhelm, or old wounds bubble up to the surface.
You might believe that the only way to find relief is to “fix” whatever feels broken inside.
But here’s the truth: healing doesn’t mean fixing yourself. ⬅️⬅️⬅️
When we buy into the myth that healing is about fixing, we get stuck in a loop of self-criticism and judgment, which makes true healing nearly impossible.
Instead, healing is about connection, presence, and honesty with yourself—not about forcing change or chasing an idealized version of who you think you should be.
In this blog post, we’ll uncover why this myth is so easy to believe, how it’s been holding you back, and what actually works when it comes to healing.
Ready? Let’s dive in.
Here’s what I’m covering… (you can click on any link to jump to that section.)
Why It’s So Easy to Believe Healing Means Fixing
How Believing This Myth Is Holding You Back
What’s Actually True About Healing
A Common Question: “If I Don’t Try to Fix Myself, Won’t I Stay Stuck?”
Why It’s So Easy to Believe Healing Means Fixing
First, let’s let you off the hook—it’s not your fault for believing this myth. It’s everywhere.
We live in a society 🏦 that glorifies perfection, productivity, and problem-solving.
From childhood, we’re taught that success means control: control over our emotions, our appearance, and even our struggles.
It’s no wonder many of us subconsciously treat healing as just another “fix-it” project.
Social media doesn’t help. 📱
Platforms filled with perfectly curated images and stories of “healed” people make it seem like there’s a final destination—a point where you can say, “I’ve arrived.”
Now, add in the medical model 🩺 that treats symptoms rather than root causes, and the idea of “fixing” yourself feels like the natural (and necessary) way forward. 🩺
How Believing This Myth Is Holding You Back
The belief that healing means “fixing” yourself creates a mental and emotional environment that works against genuine progress. 🙀
Perfectionism Blocks Progress. When you view healing as fixing, you create an unrealistic standard of perfection—one where every emotion, habit, or reaction must be “corrected.”
👉 You might experience a moment of anger or anxiety and immediately think, I’m failing at healing. I should be over this by now. This kind of thinking keeps you stuck, as you focus on what’s wrong rather than recognizing the underlying need or lesson that moment is trying to teach you.
Self-Criticism Takes Over. The idea that something is fundamentally “wrong” with you fosters shame and self-judgment.
👉 Imagine a situation where you’re processing a difficult memory, but instead of being compassionate toward yourself, you think, Why can’t I just get over this? What’s wrong with me? This harsh inner dialogue makes it harder to trust yourself, let alone heal.
Focus on Outcomes Over Process. Healing framed as fixing emphasizes the result over the journey. When you’re fixated on reaching a “perfect” or “healed” state, you lose sight of the small, meaningful shifts that happen along the way.
👉 You might attend a therapy session or journaling practice expecting a major breakthrough every time. When that doesn’t happen, you feel stuck or hopeless, dismissing the quieter, subtler shifts that are actually part of your growth.
Disconnect from Your Authentic Self. Believing you need to “fix” yourself encourages you to adopt a persona of what you think a “healed” person looks like.
👉 You might hide your struggles from loved ones, putting on a brave face instead of asking for support. Over time, this performance creates a sense of disconnection, both from others and from your own inner truth.
Reinforcing Harmful Patterns. Ironically, the “fixing” mindset often mirrors the dynamics that caused your pain in the first place.
👉 Instead of finding self-compassion, you replay old wounds in a new form. You might think, If only I were better at this, I’d finally feel worthy, echoing past experiences of needing to earn acceptance.
Undermining Self-Trust. The fixing mindset assumes that you’re not enough as you are, which weakens your trust in yourself. Instead of listening to your inner wisdom, you rely on external validation or a rigid set of rules to guide your healing.
👉 You might feel like you need constant reassurance from a reader or prophet, doubting your ability to navigate your journey on your own. This erodes your confidence and perpetuates the cycle of feeling “broken.”
When you believe healing means fixing, you create pressure, judgment, and resistance that block 🛑 authentic growth.
Letting go of this myth opens the door to a more compassionate, present, and sustainable approach. 👇👇👇
What’s Actually True About Healing
So, if healing isn’t about fixing, what is it about? Here’s the truth:
(1) You Are Not Broken
You are not a project or a problem to be solved. ♥️
Thinking you’re broken often leads to shame and self-judgment, which only deepen the wounds you’re trying to heal.
Instead, consider that your pain and challenges are part of your humanity.
They don’t make you defective; they’re signals, asking for attention and care.
Your struggles may stem from past experiences, unmet needs, or emotional wounds, but none of this means you’re fundamentally flawed.
When you stop labeling yourself as broken, you open the door to a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. ⬅️⬅️
(2) Healing Is a Process, Not a Destination
Healing is not about reaching a perfect, “fixed” state.
It’s a non-linear journey where progress might look like one step forward, two steps back. 🌀
This can feel frustrating if you’re used to measuring success by outcomes, but healing is about showing up for yourself in the moment, not arriving at some idealized endpoint.
Each experience, whether it feels like progress or setback, offers valuable insights into who you are. (For example, an emotional outburst might feel like a regression, but it’s actually an opportunity to understand a trigger, practice self-compassion, and apologize better.)
(3) Authenticity Is More Powerful Than Perfection
True healing happens when you embrace your full humanity, including the messy, vulnerable parts you might want to hide. 🫠
Instead of striving for an image or idea, focus on feeling and expression.
This means being honest with yourself and the people you love, even when (actually especially when) it’s uncomfortable. 🤷🏻♀️
When you let go of performance, you create space for genuine transformation.
You stop resisting your reality and start working with it, which allows for organic growth and deeper self-awareness.
(4) Consent Is the Foundation of Healing
Consent is often overlooked in conversations about healing, but it’s crucial.
Many of us were harmed when our boundaries were ignored or violated, so re-establishing a sense of agency is key to the healing process.
Consent is what's violated in the process of being hurt. I mean hurt in the broadest possible terms. We don’t agree to pain.
And when we pursue healing with a hunter-gatherer mentality…
…”let me know find you pain and pull you out”…the pain will run…like a cat that doesn’t want to be caught…🐈
Think of how good cats 🐈 are at hiding when they don’t want to be found!
Your pain is no different - and when you turn toward it and start to hunt it…
…it will run and hide!
Healing requires listening to your body’s cues and respecting your emotional readiness. ❤️
Trusting your own timing creates safety, which is the foundation for lasting change.
(Your body, mind, emotions will never give you more than you can handle - and they will always reveal the next layer, the next thing to be heard if you’re listening (instead of hunting!).)
(5) Healing Is About Connection, Not Control
Control is often mistaken for progress, but true healing is about connection—to yourself, your emotions, and your body.
Healing isn’t about eliminating discomfort but learning how to coexist with it. ⬅️
This connection helps you navigate life’s challenges with clarity and resilience.
For instance, instead of trying to stop feeling anxious, you can get curious about the anxiety. Where does it show up in your body? What is it trying to tell you?
This shift from control to connection allows you to respond with care rather than resistance.
Join Anchored in Awe—my email series for deep thinkers and sensitive souls. You’ll receive honest reflections, practical tools, and gentle support for your healing journey. Sign up here.
Found this helpful? 📌 Pin it to your ‘Healing’ board and come back whenever you need.
What to Do Differently Now
Now that you know healing isn’t about fixing, what can you do instead?
Knowing the truth about healing is the first step; now let’s explore practical ways to integrate this understanding into your life.
🌅 Cultivate Play and Rest as Healing Practices
Healing doesn’t always look like deep emotional work.
Sometimes it’s as simple as giving yourself permission to play, create, or rest. 🌲🎨☕
These activities connect you to joy and presence, which are just as important as processing pain. ♥️♥️♥️
Try playful, unstructured activities like painting, dancing, or gardening. Let go of the need to “do it right” and focus on how it feels.
Prioritize rest, not just as a way to recharge but as an act of self-care. Rest reminds your nervous system that it’s safe to slow down and just be.
🌅 Develop a Relationship with Stillness
In a culture that values productivity, stillness can feel uncomfortable—even threatening.
But learning to sit with yourself, without an agenda, is one of the most powerful healing practices you can cultivate. 💣
Set aside time to simply pause.
This could be sitting in silence, praying, or even taking a slow, mindful walk.
Instead of trying to change what you’re feeling during these moments, practice observing.
Notice the sensations in your body, the thoughts in your mind, and the emotions that arise. ♥️
🌅 Focus on Integration Instead of Overhauling
Healing doesn’t require massive, dramatic changes.
In fact, smaller, integrative practices often have the most lasting impact.
After an emotional breakthrough, engage in grounding activities like rest, writing, and walking.
These help your system process and integrate the experience.
Look for opportunities to weave healing into your daily life, like practicing gratitude during meals or checking in with your body while commuting. 🍽️🚙
🌅 Become Curious About Your Beliefs
The idea that you need to be fixed didn’t come from nowhere.
It likely stems from messages you absorbed during childhood, from society, or through relationships.💔😢
Ask yourself: Where did I first learn that I needed to be fixed? Was it from a parent, teacher, or cultural narrative? Journaling or working with a coach can help you identify these origins and begin to challenge them.
Once you see this belief as a story rather than a truth, you can start rewriting it. 🌱
🌅 Practice Self-Compassion
One of the simplest but most effective shifts you can make is learning to be kinder to yourself.
Replace self-critical thoughts with compassionate ones.
For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, I should have handled that better, try reframing it as, I’m doing the best I can with what I know right now.
Treat yourself as you would a close friend who is struggling. ♥️
What would you say to them?
Now, say that to yourself. ♥️
🌅 Work with a Guide
Healing doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
Working with a coach or therapist can provide the support, tools, and safe space you need to explore deeper layers of healing.
In my practice, we go through these steps together—again and again, as many times as you need.
Healing isn’t linear, but having someone walk beside you can make all the difference.
A Common Question: “If I Don’t Try to Fix Myself, Won’t I Stay Stuck?”
This is a valid fear. 🤗
It can feel like the only alternative to fixing is inaction.
But here’s the truth: when you stop trying to fix yourself, you open the door to honesty and self-compassion.
True healing isn’t about forcing change.
It’s about creating safety and trust within yourself so that change happens naturally.
Ironically, the “fixing” mindset often leads to stagnation because it relies on judgment and performance, blocking authentic growth.‼️
What’s Possible When You Let Go of the Myth
When you release the idea that you need to be fixed, you’ll feel less pressure and more freedom, so you can:
❤️ Be kinder to yourself during setbacks or emotional days.
❤️ Stop monitoring and judging your progress like it’s a test.
❤️ Feel more ease to explore, play, and focus on the process.
Imagine how much lighter life will feel when you stop striving and start being
Ready to Go Deeper?
Healing isn’t about fixing—it’s about getting to know yourself on a deeper level.
Book a session with me, and let’s explore this process in a safe, supportive space. If you’d like to chat before booking, schedule a 15-minute vibe check so we can connect over Zoom.
Your healing journey can be full of honesty, connection, and ease.
You don’t have to do it alone. 👋❤️
